eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
