JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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