Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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