someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
