I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
