The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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