ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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