Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
