I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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