Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
