listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
