How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
