Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
