I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
