Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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