don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
