You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
