Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
