So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
