so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
