yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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