So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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