I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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