C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
