1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
