You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
