did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
