We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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