Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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