this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
