My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
