my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
