I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
