woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
