BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
