fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
