is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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