Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He? As in you personified your dick?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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