I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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