Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
