i think my tv is drunk
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
