you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
