I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
