This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
