you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
