it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
