i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
