i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
