Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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