he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
